Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
