A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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