he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
