***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He felt like a one man threesome
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
