hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
