Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
