did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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