Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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