she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
only if we run a train.
done.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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