Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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