Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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