hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
