It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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