Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
