We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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