ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
