Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
