Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
