Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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