Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
