Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
