Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
