Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
