my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You pole danced in your parka.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
