He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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