note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
