Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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