They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
