he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
