Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
