She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
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I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
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I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize