So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
