It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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