i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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