well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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