I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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