two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
