Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize