I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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