Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We don't watch enough power rangers
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
