Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
