everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
