Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
