the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
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