At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
