I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
