Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
