I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
