I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
