I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
