My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
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Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
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He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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