Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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