my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
