We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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