you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
