this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
